Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
