so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
