i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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