forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
