ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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