I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
