i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
