oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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