I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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