I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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