I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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