Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
