My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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