i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
operation have a gay friend backfired
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
