Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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