Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
