Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
