the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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