Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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