Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
