I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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