it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
