i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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