fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
