Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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