i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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