he told me I talked like a deaf person
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
