fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
