k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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