Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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