All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
