): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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