He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
