I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
