I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
