Ambien. No doubt about it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
