Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
