i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
