is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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