I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
