her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
