I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
