So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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