Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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