he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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