he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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