so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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