You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
