he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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