Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
