Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
